From Friendship to Love - Betrayal or ?????
11:31 AM Posted by Krishna
this post. This post is dedicated to Raghu and to all those people who have experienced what this post is all about.
Friendship and love are the two most beautiful words in any language. And i believe most of us would have experienced both in some way or the other. But the thing which bamboozles everyone like a Muralitharan's doosra is the transistion from friendship to love. I would say this is something which has the potential to torment or give the butterfly effect when ya think about it. It is said that there is a thin line which separates friendship and love, but the thing which goes unsaid is that you would never know as to when you breach that laksman rekha. Infact its a pity that sometimes people who cross the line fail to realize or dont want to realize the fact. King khan in his film Kuch Kuch hota hai quotes a few lines which conveys the meaning that his best friend would become his lover. Is this always the case? Do people really think it this way? The billion rather trillion Euro question is "Is it a Sin to propose a friend(with the intention of making him/her a lifelong partner)??" Well the irony is that people not only consider this a sin, but say something like "BETRAYAL OF FRIENDSHIP". According to me betrayal is too heavy a word to use. The acceptance or dismissal of the proposal according to me is strongly governed by the LADDER THEORY. It holds good especially for girls... No offences meant, but lets face the fact. Its mostly girls who say " How can you say like this? U had betrayed our friendship. Friendship has lost its sanctity because of you and blah blah blah..." Goes on and on (even Duracell batteries will loose the race here). My poser to all those great minds would be " Dont you people think that keeping something in his/her mind and sham around as if nothing is happening is a bigger crime??". "Is it not a desirable quality to speak out your mind?". Its time we grow up and accept certain facts as they are. If people say that understanding is the most important thing you expect from a person who is gonna share your life, whats the furore if a good friend with whom there is a considerable understanding expresses his/her desire?
So am I coming to say that you should accept a proposal from a friend? The answer to this question is a definite and a BIG "No". What I want to say is dont go around slinging mud on the person who had committed the only offence of loving you. If thats what you think should be done... Bang your head once and start using your brains.
KP - THE DEVILZADVOCATE
P.S:
- If you have been on the receiving end, then one thing i would say is "Don't loose heart. You should rather be happy and thank god for saving you from a person who doesn't deserve your love and your friendship. Yaaruku theriyum innoruvati ungaluku bulb yeriyalam, mani adiakalaam and this time its a story with the happy ending.
- If you think that u are being pestered by someone to love them. Then make them realize that love doesnt come by pestering. If the other person is an ass, then it warrants a more strict approach.
- Now dont give me the story that u love ur country, love ur parents blah blah blah. You must know what love i am talkin about. If u don't either u are a 5 year old kid or a brainless moron.
- If you are gonna comment please dont be a coward and send it as anonymous. If you are not brave enough then you are not fit to comment.
- I would love to listen to your views.
And finally i couldn't find an appropriate word to put in the title. I had filled with "?". If you think that you can give me the word that i am looking for please do post it as a comment. And that person who gives the word i am looking for would get a "Diary Milk"(You gotta come and get it from me.)
October 11, 2007 at 5:10 PM
Romba anubavichu ezhudhina maadhiri irukku...
and my choice for the ??? = "(Un)Acceptable Transition"
The parantheses are optional, depending upon the reader's perception.
So, when shall I come to get my dairy milk???
October 11, 2007 at 8:58 PM
@cowmaa
Fools learn from their experiences and wise men from others. Chocolate ku enna da avasaram. Let the other entries come and then will decide. But anyways ne vandha i'll get u a diary milk.
October 12, 2007 at 8:23 AM
Romba unmaiyana matter eludhirukka....n ellarum especially boys kandippa andha ladder theory padikanum.......keep it up da
October 13, 2007 at 12:36 AM
""Love""- It is sometimes unconditionally intentional and sometimes it is intentionally unconditional...
It is a sin if he/she loves his/her friend and still moves with the boy/girl saying that he/she is a friend...
It is not a sin if he/she proposes to his/her friend... because it is from inside... nobody can create rules or call it as sin....
When love comes by seeing the person without even knowing him/her (bulb glowing nd blah blah..) then it is split second love and it is INTENTIONALLY UNCONDITIONAL. But most of the individuals donno the difference between what is infatuation and what love is.....
Every individual likes certain qualities, behavior, beauty, character, physique, etc of different people... nd when he/she come across a particular he/she who holds good for all those he/she liked in others... then love may arise on such a person who satisfies all his needs... This is UNCONDITIONALLY INTENTIONAL...
October 13, 2007 at 6:39 AM
Did yur best friend propose u?
October 13, 2007 at 7:07 AM
@Rajesh
Thanks da.
@Raghu
Dei blub glowin stuff can be true both for instant as well as after u come to knw of a person.
@ Wenks
Nope.
October 21, 2007 at 3:04 PM
Hey kp! cant exactly say good topic , but gr8 insight!!
But my final say wud be - u sound as confused as anybody is wen d topic is put up. LOve n frndship do not always hv to be categorized and given the iron hand treatment! These r things that just happen , sadly it can be one way traffic sometimes[or most times] . So, instead of treating them real harsh or instant denial i suggest ppl givin it some time n thought! maybe i sound crazy !! but LOVE is BLIND right! Den how can u c frndship n other rules in tat context! u hv 2 b true n sure when u want to get into a relationship, cuz dis is not a game every teen is allowed to play n win!
Some relationships r tough to understand, some r tougher to accept!
i cannot fill in d blank for u , bcuz BETRAYAL itself is not correct upto me!
November 6, 2007 at 1:38 AM
hi
in my opinion, the transition from friendship to love isn't wrong, provided, it is mutual. and if it turns out to only one-sided and this person still maintains the so-called friendship between them, and, if he/she CLAIMS to be JUST A FRIEND ..in action, communication n stuff, i would say it is downright cheating..cheating ONESELF..
i wont say its wrong to decide that your friend of the opposite sex is the right person for u to live with... but, when that feeling creeps in, it should be immediately expressed. if its OK, then things are easy.. now what if it's not ok?
lets take a girl for instance.. her best friend says he loves her. and she's not ok with it. and he says, "fine, lets AT LEAST be friends". isn't this cheating himself? let alone the girl. WHAT CRAP? who the hell is he to decide as to what their relationship has got to be. wont the girl feel uncomfortable to even FACE him... well, may be they have been the closest of friends... still, the uncomfortable feeling would set in automatically. fine, SHE USES HER BRAINS, she agrees to be friends. and they are as close as they were before.the guy does the SAME thing again after a few years.the girl again refuses. what assurance is there that guy will NOT say " then why on earth did u get close to me inspite of my asking, last time?". what will the girl have, as a CONVINCING answer? and she, made the only mistake of being the SAME to him, loving him like a friend. it doesnt seem right. in case the girl likes someone else, how will BOTH guys take it? it would sound ridiculous.
in that case, avoidance is the best. it is better to avoid the person and draw a CLEAR line between friendship and love than confuse oneself and make a wrong decision and also STILL call themselves "friends" . that would be the worst disgrace to friendship. and if fate decides to play otherwise, it is all for the good.
the bottomline : every relationship has a definition. if a kind of feeling cannot be defined, it cannot be generalized as "love" in the "other sense". if one gets these two relationships muddled up in mind, life would be all about confusion.
November 6, 2007 at 1:43 AM
and i totally agree with the comment above my prev comment .. absolutely true... but sometimes harsh approach is called for... give time and thought. yeah. but by that time, u would land up in the most awkward situation. everything is just a learning phase. u might miss ur friend a lot, but u would have made the right decision. u cant have the cake and eat it too!!
November 6, 2007 at 11:33 PM
IMHO, h for both humble and haughty, friendship to love is probably a decision similar to what a goalkeeper faces in soccer.
Two forwards run towards him playing 1-2(passing between themselves in layman's terms) ahead of all defenders.. defenders here is the rest of the world. The two forwards, love and friendship. The goalkeeper has only 2 choices. 1) Stick to his ground and wait for the forwards to kick the ball into his hand. 2) throw himself at one of the 2 forwards.
Both options have their advantages(and disadvantages).
Let us consider option 1 : Be friends. As the person above states, it may be CHEATING ONESELF. Indeed. Cheating oneself is sickening. But if he does cheat himself, it is clear that he values the friendship of the other person too beyond himself.
And @ all the people who said : The transition by itself is inexistent and it was always love and friendship was a pretext, please have the ear to note FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE. And @people who USE THEIR BRAINS, a person who USES THE BRAIN must also know that there is no certainty that the other guy will say that...If the other guy is of that sort, she should not have been friends the first time around!!!
Option 2: Profess.
This is India. India... the land where people can't discriminate between proposing and professing... Give me a break. Walk up to the girl and croon like Stevie Wonder " I just called to say, I love you" ??? Will a girl take this down her diary and say "Oh! So sweet of you to tell me this! But i am sorry, i cant fall in love with you". No Sir! She would say "You FAKED friendship to walk up to me!!!"
@ raghuveeran : Yeah... But as your second paragraph suggests, split second love is garbage. But imaging, you know your friend. She is not a person who is going to be amused when you ask her out. You are a friend. You value her decisions and the contact. So, is it as sinister as you make it feel to suppress the emotion? No.
@The Blogger and the rest: Friendship to love is a meaningful transition.. See a girl for a second and fall in love with her the next is CRAP. That is called Infatuation. Let it grow and it becomes LUST.
Friendship to love is one a different plane. You just happen to know a girl. Right.. Friendship follows. And you are her friend. But you watch each of her actions, be it the way she speaks. Be it what she does as her hobby... or just her taste of music... It MATURES into love.. i am not saying the friendship is childish. No! I have a few girls in my close friends group who share even their deepest secrets with me. And yeah.. they do look good.( From the perspective of a friend and the fact that both have been asked out n number of times by other guys ).. But only certain things CLICK. You may have done a lot for her. And one fine day, you know that you like her. What do you do? Walk up and say "Lets studies be put to one side" or something like "Let me wait for the right time". I would choose the latter.
With that, i sum up my err... mini blog post..
From Friendship to love : FISSION OR FUSION????
November 9, 2007 at 6:04 AM
@ he who must not be named
it could have been mutual. i mentioned "" in my opinion, the transition from friendship to love isn’t wrong, provided, it is mutual.""
i wish u had read that before u commented. and they way u ve put the word "liked" in quotes, looks like u dont understand y i used it there. yeah u are right, i shudda used the word "loves" .. thank u
and as for the fact that a girl wudnt wanna be friends with a guy who might say" y on earth didja get close to me when u knew i loved u".. n stuff, u never know HOW OBSESSED a guy can get if he is in "love". it could change a person. "love" can change a person in any way and u never know HOW it will..sigh... things never go right all the time... may be the girl made a mistake, but she would be rectifying it by avoiding the boy. she's learnt her lesson. and high time the boy learnt it too. IT JUST DOESNT HAPPEN!! so there's no sort of escapism for the boy!!
and that's y a person must always choose friends properly..... in "a conservative society", specially, of the opposite sex ... after all, love must come from within . neither should one be influenced to fall in love, nor should it be FOISTED on someone...
anyways.... whatever.... TRUE LOVE TRIUMPHS. initially one-sided or mutual. if it isnt true love, then someone needs sense to be knocked into his/her skull.
November 12, 2007 at 8:55 PM
Hmmm.. one last question to be thrown @upas.
How do you judge if it is mutual?? Pigeons???
November 12, 2007 at 9:50 PM
Well.. anyway... I was wondering why i should sit back with these questions playing on my mind.., thats why i am back!!!
LOVE DOES NOT CHANGE THE PERSON IN LOVE... IT MERELY CHANGES THE WAY IN WHICH THE OTHER PERSON VIEWS THIS GUY.
And the guy had decided not to comment on the blog because the topic was quite sensitive to him. But people, in view of posting their comments, drag in others in the picture. And this guy is not one who takes comments which are heavily one sided. So he had to defend himself.
One final question: Why cant people talk the matters out. You know the guy is upto something. You "were" his friend. Why dont you just pump sense into him instead of avoiding and let time pump sense. If you did talk, you could have asked him not to behave like this again. And given him one final chance. You could have been good friends again. I am still quite close to a girl who asked me out. I did decline, but yeah, i am still her friend. Imagine.. i say "Na na.. i wont talk to you.", it just makes the person feel like a worm.
November 12, 2007 at 9:51 PM
And lastly, people should know that crush and love are two different things. People tend to have a crush on others. Say Avril Lavigne, or even the girl next door.(Err.. for girls, say Madhavan, or the boy-next-door). Crushes come and go and it is not supposed to be considered seriously. See a small rock on the road, push it aside and move on. Do not presume that dust will accumulate on the rock, that it will grow into a big boulder, and trip a tanker over.
India indeed is “conservative”. Agreed and i am proud that it is. That is the whole damned reason why the boy just cant walk up to the girl!!!
Isnt it really stupid if one just looks at only one side of the story and jumps to a conclusion? Maybe one FINDS ENOUGH REASON to do that.. But it is absolutely irritating to be called a cheat when he did stuff with a good intention and not to just win the girl over. Anyway. I as a person have had enough of this CRAP. so … adios amigos.. And krishna : you LOUSY CHEAT.. WHERE IS THAT DAIRY MILK
December 2, 2007 at 12:40 AM
@ all: sigh.... opinions differ. dunno y i even started to comment on this blog... sometimes its better to shut up and keep my thoughts to myself than getting tired of answering crappy questions..
so ppl go ahead, have as many crushes as u want and .... (SIGH)
@ he who must not be named: this is only a comment page and NOT a debate.
anyway its sick.
lets ALL try and accept ppl the way they are. one-sided, double-sided "love", crap, arguments, sharp remarks... i am tired of this.
@ krishna: ................................................. :| :| :|
December 8, 2007 at 10:09 PM
@upas and He who must not be named
Just chill chill!! Just Chilll...
R u kids? Fightin over this thingie. Fine i understand each one has a point to prove, and have a few experiences to share, but come on guys try to accept that not necessarily everyone needs to subscribe to ur views. Wht might seem good to one can be unacceptable to others. U have no other go but to live with this to sustain in this world. Both of u had very valid points with one failing to accept and acknowledge the other side of coin. Wht started as a mild counter opinion snowballed into a full scale fight. My god! Learn to listen and acknowledge, thts the most vital thing in love and life. And btw the love i meant is a generalised one!!
Adios
Krishna
December 8, 2007 at 10:29 PM
:| i dint fight over it..... i only opined openly.... i couldnt stand any sorta silly retaliation when i dint even ask for it... its just MY COMMENT and even it is CRAP, according to ppl here, its got to be accepted. bugs me when someone keeps pickin on me. NOBODY IS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.... . as i sed earlier, we must all accept things. i myself dint expect this sort of a reaction.... anyway do understand that i DINT INTEND to do this. just happened... and i only COMMENTED coz u requested me to.
enuf said...
December 8, 2007 at 10:48 PM
He who must not be named! Pls identify urself. It would make my life a bit more easier.
December 10, 2007 at 1:57 AM
ayyoo...... VUTTUDUNGOLEN!!! ... :| enough pllllllllllllllllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... lets not drag it on ... :| :|
December 25, 2007 at 7:34 AM
People who know me, know it is me. whats there in a namee???
January 6, 2008 at 7:00 PM
gr8 arguments actually da.....kinda silly though.....well thats for me....thers always a thin line between friendship when a gal n a boy r buddies......n they cant go on forever cos we r in India n we all know how everyone sees such a friendship....n if the friendship gets very close n chances then that spells trouble.....ther was this dialogues in "Indian" which said friendship is red light, love is green , some prefer the orange which kinda touches on both extremes.....frankly its a personal choice......if u ask me, love is all unnecessary committments n at this stage when u r jus gonna leap into corporate life n know what life is things get cranky......i'd prefer not to mix friendship n love not to mention ther'd never be strong intense feelings aka "LOVE" towards someone......cos its foolish......n if one ends up in a such a situation as u've written in ur blog....its better to stay away....probably we r jus humans n its common for all these emotions....n being boys whatevber we do or say will all be like kinda difft to gals....n they'd perceive things the other way round most often....n when we do it its wrong n when they do it its right.....thats the way life goes......so its better to shy away from all such stuff n rather than jus be human, be wise enuf n practical.......
January 17, 2008 at 4:49 PM
a cupid striking blog i suppose.........ha ha .ok i think life will be a lot better if friends remain friends
March 13, 2008 at 10:04 PM
Nice topic revealed. From my Point of View, I dont feel its a wrong thing if Friendz become Loverz. Its a mutual understanding between the Opposite Sexes that has taken them from Friendship into another step called Love. If a Guy/Girl rejects the proposal made by his/her Friend, well its upto him/Her .But at the same time if they over reacts to their Friend's Proposal saying U have betrayed our friendship blah blah then the Friendship that grew till date between them holds No Meaning..
July 1, 2011 at 9:57 AM
Fantastic explanation for love and friend, many are wandering not knowing the meaning of both...